Friday Night TV Guide

-Cavaliers @ Pistons (Game 3) 7:00, ESPN (Pistons better hope Lebron pulls an Artest if they want any shot)

-Magic @ Sixers (Game 3) 8:00, ESPN2 (Can Ron Jeremy pull it out again?)

-Trail Blazers @ Rockets (Game 3) 9:30, ESPN (Who’ll wag the finger at the Blazers now?)

-Rangers @ Capitals (Game 5) 7:00, Versus (I have no hockey jokes left)

-Prison Break, 8:00, Fox (Remember when they were actually in a prison?)

-Dollhouse, 9:00, Fox (The Joss Wheadon show no one's buzzing about!)

Thursday Night TV Guide

-Celtics @ Bulls (Game 3) 8:00, TNT (Will Derrick Rose have Doc Rivers sweating profusely again?)

-Spurs @ Mavericks (Game 3) 8:30, NBA TV (Will Eva be in Dallas for Game 3?)

-Lakers @ Jazz (Game 3) 10:30, TNT (Jazz fans: John Stockton and Karl Malone are not walking though that door)

-Flyers @ Penguins (Game 5) 8:00/ Sharks @ Ducks (Game 4) 10:30, Versus (These hockey jokes doing anything for you?)

-The Office, 9:00, NBC (Another Michael Scott Paper Company episode. Should be big. That's what she said.)

-30 Rock, 9:30, NBC (More Salma Hayek is only a good thing)

-Bridget's Sexiest Beaches, 10:00, Travel Channel (If you're really bored.)

Wednesday Night TV Guide

-76ers @ Magic (Game 2) 7:00, NBA TV (Can Ron Jeremy bring the Magic back)

-Heat @ Hawks (Game 2) 8:00, TNT (Will Ciara be cheering Al Horford on?)

-Hornets @ Nuggets (Game 2)10:30, TNT (Will the Birdman fly again?)

-Mets @ Cardinals, 8:15, ESPN (Only 150 games until this possible NLCS match-up!)

-Capitals @ Rangers (Game 4) 7:00, Versus (Does anyone get Versus?)

-Lost, 9:00, ABC (Thanks for no new Lost ABC.)

-South Park, 10:00, Comedy Central (Cartman as a pirate? Ka-Blamo!)

Tuesday Night TV Guide

Pistons @ Cavaliers (Game 2) 8:00, TNT (Can you say sweep?)

Rockets @ Trail Blazers (Game 2) 10:00, NBA TV (Can Portland keep it within 30?)

Jazz @ Lakers (Game 2) 10:30, TNT (Can Utah win a game?)

Penguins @ Flyers (Game 4) 8:00 / Sharks @ Ducks (Game 3) 10:30, Versus (Does anyone care?)

Top 10 Draft Steals, 8:00, NFL Network (You won't be seeing him)

The Italian Job, 8:00, FX (Watch Edward Norton mail it in!)

Rescue Me, 10:00, FX (Best show on Tuesday?)