Wednesday, June 3, 2009

NBA Playoff Awards: TV Edition

As the NBA Finals get ready to tip off, we’ve decided to look back and hand out some of our own awards for the NBA Playoffs so far. Instead of giving out conventional ones, we've decided to base them off of current TV characters. So without further ado, let's hand out the hardware!

The Andy Bernard Award: NBA Referees

This award is dedicated to the Nard-Dawg’s infamous overreaction of punching a hole in the wall after Jim and Pam stole his cell phone. In honor of our favorite Cornell grad, we give this award to the NBA refs, for overreacting to every skirmish and hard foul during the course of the playoffs. Thanks for dropping flagrant fouls like its hot and calling 58 fouls during Game 3 of the Cavs/Magic series. I can’t wait to see Kobe shoot 25 free throws a game in the finals.

The Jack Sheppard Award: Mike Brown

Just like Jack’s decision to blow up a nuclear bomb on the island was questionable at best, so was Mike Brown’s refusal to play small against the Magic’s quicker, more athletic line-up. Really, Mike Brown? You thought it was a good idea to have Ben Wallace’s corpse try to cover Rashard Lewis? I mean, that didn’t backfire at all. But let’s be honest, it’s not like the Cavs had a big athletic swingman who could cover Lewis at the 4…Oh wait, they did. His name’s LEBRON JAMES!!!

The Brian Austin Green Award: Chris Andersen

This award is given to the player with the most unlikely comeback. In B.A.G.’s case, who would have thought the former 90210 star would come out of nowhere and turn in a stellar performance as resistance fighter Derek Reese on Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. For Birdman, after a two-year drug suspension from the NBA, (I prefer to think he got secretly suspended for ruining the dunk contest) Andersen was able to invigorate the Nuggets and their fanbase throughout the playoffs. Despite the fact Denver got eliminated, Birdman will fly again next season. The same can’t be said for Green though, as Terminator got cancelled. But don’t feel too badly for the guy; he is dating Megan Fox.

The Peter Griffin Award: Glen “Big Baby” Davis

The next award goes to Big Baby for his now infamous push on a young Magic fan following his game winning shot in the second round. We couldn’t help but think of the time where the also chubby Peter Griffin got into an altercation with a teenage neighbor. Although in this case, Peter left much more of a mark on his victim.

The Vinny Chase Award: Lebron James

This coveted award goes to the superstar who continually gets bailed out on a regular basis. On Entourage, after being fired from the set of Smoke Jumpers, the talent derived Vince was bailed out in the season finale, by being offered a role in the new Martin Scorsese movie. For Lebron, he was the master of the bailout in the postseason as the refs would always call fouls on his ill-fated drives to the hoop. While he didn’t get bailed out in the end (maybe he should call the Prez) he’ll always have his puppet commercials, just as Vinny will always have Aquaman.

The Prison Break Award: Detroit Pistons

With Prison Break, the show peaked after its excellent first season. For the Pistons, they peaked with an NBA Championship after they acquired Rasheed Wallace. The next year, they both sustained great success, but couldn’t quite live up to the previous year, with the Pistons losing in the Championship, and Prison Break falling a bit below season 1. Then, it was clear that both would never return to form and everyone got tired of watching. No NBA fans wanted to see the Pistons eek out 70 points a game, and certainly no fans wanted to watch Michael Scofield and company break out of a another prison. (In Panama no less…seriously) Fortunately, both of their runs have ended and fans of entertaining basketball can rejoice.

The Jack Donaghy Award: Stan Van Gundy

This final award goes out to the guy with the best impromptu motivational ploy. In 30 Rock, Jack was able to get Tracy out of his funk with his ridiculous, spot-on impression of Tracy’s family. For Van Gundy, no longer the Master of Panic, he riled up his team with his “You are all Witnesses” speech during halftime of game 1 in the Cleveland series. The Magic responded big time as they knocked off the heavily favored Cavs, as Ron Jeremy most certainly nodded approvingly somewhere in the distance.

No comments:

Post a Comment